Embrace your Inner Unicorn

 

Be Your Own Unicorn………….

Have you ever sat there and looked at your kid and thought, where the hell does she get that from? 

Do your kids just surprise you constantly with their own sense of style?

What about the things they say or do. Have you looked at them all amazed or wierded out or just in awe?

Everyone is meant to have their own inner Unicorn.

If we looked up a make belief creature in a real dictionary we might find: “a mythical animal usually depicted as a white horse with a single straight spiraled horn growing from its forehead”. Ahhhh but the unicorn is so much more than that, it’s the ability to be whoever you want to be.

The unicorn represents love, purity and the seeking of Truth in all things.

 

We began to learn from our little unicorns almost immediately.

We learn how to be closer to heaven, we learn to be more grounded, we learn to appreciate more and forgive easier.

 

We learn that our little unicorns display such youthfulness and energy, that even though we may be annoyed by, we are more jealous that we don’t have that kind of energy.

We look at our Unicorn in awe; we look at them with the distinct feeling of independence, and not us having that from them, but them pulling that from us. They want to do everything on their own, be an individual and complete their own uniqueness with ease, but it’s not always easy for them.

Allowing your Unicorn to be different is so easy in the beginning, but I can imagine it could become frightening later on in their teenage years.

However if they learn that from a young age that you support who they are, what they want to be when they grow up, or allow them to be themselves, then shouldn’t it be easier later?

I often look at my unicorn and feel so blessed to know that she is a tough one who isn’t so fragile. She has had an amazing life with few struggles and definitely her ups and downs of going back and forth and house to house but she is still a happy little unicorn.

I’m very positive that she will be faced with so many struggles as she grows, I mean come on this is life after all, not a fairytale, and even though I know she will have difficulties in her life, I’m confident that she will always get through it.

As we have grown and moved into our own lives with our own unicorns I have been able to witness such a beautiful site, one of which that comes in the form of love.

I feel so blessed to know that my dear friends, who I may not be in the best contact with all the times, have managed to let their little unicorn’s blossom into their own.

I love getting all of our unicorns together to dance and play and fight and love and be kids. And isn’t that the best feeling, seeing their faces light up?

They know that you love them, and they know you would do anything for them, but right now all you want to do is just smile at them, because you, yes you have done an awesome job and you deserve to hear it.

Dont let them fall into some category of what people think they are suppose to do.

Let them figure it out on their own.

Let them choose.

Let them Be……..

Let them be a Unicorn……..

 

 

 

Will you ever Be FOUND????????????? Crazy Little Wallflower Within!!!!!!

So I’m done griping about nothingness, but I still wanted to blog, so I decided to post some poems that I wrote a long time ago.  it’s kinda funny to read the poems and think back to when they were wrote.  it’s even weirder to believe that any time I write I have to be in a particular mood, i can’t write a poem when I’m upset, by reading these poems you would have thought I was a depressed individual but in reality I was in a good place, it was just easier to write what I was feeling when I was clear headed and happier. so enjoy the reading and remember i love to write so it's not always  about me................. 

Found

 

Stumbled through the crowd
Never once thought I was proud
Pushing through those intrusions
Leaning on some painful illusions
You say I'm weak and lost everything
I believe I'm strong and repented for every sin
Looking at what brought me here
I'm stuck wondering what drove that spear
Where did I go to get so lost
How did I let go of my life with the worst cost
Picking up the pieces of loneliness
And pleading for a chance at forgiveness
I will wait for the day that my ropes are unbound
To no longer feel lost but to prove that I'm found

 

 

 

Wallflower

 

I'M THE WALLFLOWER WAITING TO BE SEEN.

MY SOUL IS SIMPLE YET NEVER CLEAN

THERE IS NO ONE THAT CAN PUSH ME DOWN

THERE IS NO LEANING SMILE FORCED UPON MY FROWN

I'M A BEAUTY WAITING TO BE WORN KEPT WITH THAT SMALL SARCASTIC SCORN!

YOU SEE ME AS A LEAF LOOSELY HANGING FROM THAT TREE, BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF THE POWER IN ME!

I CAN ESCAPE FROM YOUR SIMPLE REALITY BUT CHOOSE TO LIVE INSIDE THE EMPTY ROOM OF VITALITY.

I'M THE STRONGER OF THE FEW BUT THE CALMER OF THE TWO.

EVERYTHING COULD BE DIFFERENT IF YOU ONLY KNEW!!

 

 

 

PLAYED

I MAY BE SHIELDED BY FEAR OF FAILURE

LED BY A VICIOUS TALE OF ERROR

BUT LET ME ASSURE, THAT BACKING DOWN IS NOT THE CURE.

DO NOT PUSH ME THROUGH THAT WALL

DO NOT THREATEN ME, FOR WE SHALL SEE WHICH ONE WILL FALL.

I MAY NOT BE TOO KEEN ON BEING THERE TO WATCH IT FADE.

BUT I’LL BE DAMNED IF YOU EFFECT HOW MY HEART IS BEING PLAYED.

 

 

CHANCE

 

STUFF PLACE OF REMEMBRANCE, BRINGING ME TO THE PIT OF BEING DOWN.

CANT PRETEND THAT SUSTAINING MYSELF IS TAKING AWAY MY FROWN.

WANTING MORE IS GONNA BREAK ME TO THE CORE.

SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING WHAT THIS SO CALLED JOKE IS FOR

WHERE IS THE LIGHT LEADING ME HOME.

HOW CAN I KEEP SEARCHING FOR A PLACE TO ROAM.

HOW IS IT THAT YOU NO LONGER MATTER, TO THE PIECES OF MY PAST.

FIGHTING TO NOT DROWN IN THE SHADOW OF THE LINES THAT'S BEEN CAST.

WHO SAYS LEANING TOWARDS THE SHATTERED GLASS OF LIFE, MAKES SENSE TO THE CROWNING MOMENT OF STRIFE,

PICTURE PERFECT STANCE,

PAINTED WITH A GLANCE,

LOOKING FOR MY LAST CHANCE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

PRICK

 

WICKED LITTLE STRAINED MOVES.

PRICKLY LITTLE TRAINED SOOTHES

PRETTY LITTLE DISAPPROVES

WASTING ALL THE DIRTY SMOOTHS

 

 

I'm sic of feeling like I'm being ShiT on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I whine, I know I whine, however I'm sick of feeling like I’m not good enough to be happy.

I know I’m no saint, I’m not perfect and  heaven knows I’ve made huge mistakes,  but Damn’it this Karma truck has done run my ass over hundreds of times and I think I deserve a break.  I have worked my ass off trying to be a better person over the last 3 years, and it seems like shit just never changes.  The sad part about my rant is, I feel guilty writing it, I feel like I shouldn’t be WHINING over petty life stuff, things could always be worse. 

 

 

That’s true things could always be worse but for today, I’m throwing me a pity of words fest and by all means, this isn’t a cry for attention, this isn’t a feel bad for Hayley post, This is ME and I’m sick of feeling like I CANT catch a break.  I want to be a good role model for my daughter; I want to provide her with stability.

 

I want her to know that life is full of decisions that will effect so many obstacles that she will face, I want her to know that she will fail, but she will supersede that with everything you will accomplish, and I want her to know it OK to make Mistakes, your HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I just want her to not pay for the choice/mistakes I’ve made. 

My brain wants to hear the words of Marvin Gay singing My Girl, “ I’ve got Sunshine on a Cloudy Day……..” instead of James Carr, These ain’t Raindrops.  

“These ain't raindrops in my eyes, baby
That I wipe away
If you tell me you love me
Everything will be okay, now
If i thought that you had loved me
I would wait, I would wait a million years

These ain't raindrops in my eyes
These ain't raindrops in my eyes
They are tears
Oh, now, oh

Ain't no times I've been to heaven
so how can there be rain?
The man up there, he knows just how i feel

How will I face tomorrow
And all the lonely lonely lonely lonely years”

 But why would that happen, it’s not like I’m sooooooooooooooooooo amazing that I couldn’t have it all.  Shit why not though, I feel like I deserve it, I want to feel Loved.  Call me crazy there is something so comforting knowing that another person loves you, and not a friend love, not an child love, a connected love with a soul who truly cares and loves you for WHO YOU ARE, NO ONE ELSE. 

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  Where are you, I haven’t really looked, because when you go searching for someone, you’ll spend eternity trying to find them,  I’ve told myself not to want someone, because like Bono say’s “when the Soul wants, the Soul waits”  I’ve tried convincing myself that I’ll be perfectly happy alone, but that’s a crock of shit,  I’ve told myself give it time, honestly I’ve been single for 3 years, I think it’s time for me to feel loved, I’m just saying. 

 I’m tired of complaining; my conscience is kicking in and telling me to shut up. I feel that telling all my loved ones how I feel sounds more like gripping and bitching, and I feel that telling my friends the full truth about stuff while prevent me from keeping some of myself private, and I feel like telling someone how you feel is the dumbest thing you could ever do, liberating: HA my Ass.

Scary and stupid, because right then, the minute you do that, you give all of you just to have someone SHIT on your little bit of Hope, and Hope is shit anyway.  Hope leads to expectations, and that always leads to disappointment.  I’m sick of being disappointed. It’s pretty hard to hold everything in all the time and keep a sarcastic scorn on my face.  Seriously can I get a Break?  I just want to feel worthy of love. I’m ready to start praising the words of Jackie Wilson’s Higher and Higher,

‘You know your love (your love keeps liftin' me)
Keeps on liftin' (your love keeps liftin' me)
Higher (liftin' me, liftin' me), higher, and higher (higher)
I said your love (your love keeps liftin' me)
Keeps on (liftin' me, liftin' me)
Liftin' me (liftin' me) higher and higher (higher)

the great thing about rants, is that they are consistently inconsistently and jump from one thing to the next and honestly i feel like my life has just been jumping from one thing to the next, Ive moved 6 times in the last 3 years, searching for a place to feel like home, and yet here i sit in Kosovo, further away from anything remotely close to feeling home. 

 

 I need to start over fresh.  February couldn't come any faster, i just want to be home and start over with my little one, we deserve complete happiness, it's just hard to give that to her completely.  So here's to me being Happier for myself to give more happiness to Her.

 

wHo iS yOuR pErSoN???????

I’M A HUGE GREY’S ANATOMY FAN, I HAVE FROM THE VERY BEGINNING AND HONESTLY SHONDA RHIMES GOT IT RIGHT BY BRINGING THE PHRASE “YOU’RE MY PERSON”.  I HAVE ALWAYS LOVED THAT PHRASE.  BY ASKING THE QUESTION, YOU FIND YOURSELF WONDERING WHO IN FACT YOUR PERSON IS.  THE NORMAL THOUGHT PROCESS MAY GO AS FOLLOWED. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

WELL OF COURSE MY PERSON IS MY HUSBAND, I WOULDN’T HAVE MARRIED HIM IF I DON’T BELIEVE HIM TO BE MY EVERYTHING.  OR….. WELL THAT’S SIMPLE, IT’S MY MOTHER/FATHER, THEY BROUGHT ME TO LIFE AND PROVIDED FOR ME, THEY TAUGHT ME HOW TO LOVE AND OF COURSE HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THERE FOR ME.

 

 

OR…… THAT’S MY DAUGHTER/SON/CHILDREN.  I MEAN TO QUOTE’ MICHELLE PHIEFFER IN THE STORY OF US “God they're great kids aren't they? And we made them, I mean think about that! It's like there were no people there and then there were people! And they grew!” 

 

SERIOUSLY IT COULD BE SO MANY PEOPLE, IT’S JUST A MATTER OF YOU REALLY THINKING ABOUT THAT PERSON THAT YOU CONNECT WITH ON SO MANY LEVELS.  I COULD EASILY SAY THAT MY PERSON IS TUCKER, HOWEVER SHE IS SO MANY PERSON’S TO SO MANY PEOPLE SO I’M GONNA LET HER OFF THE HOOK FOR THIS ONE TIME.    I THOUGHT PRETTY LONG AND HARD ABOUT WHOM MY PERSON ACTUALLY WAS AND IT CAME DOWN TO A VERY SPECIAL YOUNG WOMAN.  I BELIEVE THIS YOUNG LADY AND I HAVE QUITE A BIT IN COMMON, AND WE HAVE BEEN A CONSTANT FACTOR IN EACH OTHERS LIVES SINCE THE DAY WE MET. 

 

I BELIEVE I CONNECT WITH HER ON A FAR MORE SPIRITUAL LEVEL THAN SHE EVEN COULD POSSIBLE UNDERSTAND.  I’M NOT SURE IF IT IS BECAUSE SHE IS THE PARTICULAR AGE OF MY INNOCENCE LOST, OR THAT AGE OF A CHILD FROM THE PAST, BUT SHE IS DEFINITELY PART OF MY LIFE FOR PLENTY OF REASONS. 

SHE HAS THE MOST AMAZING MOM, WHO JUST SO HAPPENS TO BE MY BEST FRIEND AND SISTER.  MOLLY IS GENUINELY ONE OF THE GREATEST, STRONGEST AND LOVING PERSON I HAVE EVER MET AND SHE IS THE SOLE REASON THAT MY PERSON, IS MY PERSON.  AND FOR THAT MOLLY MERYHEW I THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART. 

I REMEMBER A VERY YOUNG GIRL ASKED ME TO COACH HER IN SOCCER.  SHE HAD NEVER PLAYED BUT REALLY WANTED TO TRY.  I WAS HAPPY TO BE APART OF HER LIFE IN THAT CAPACITY, IT WAS AN HONOR FOR SURE.  SO THERE BEGAN THE HISTORY OF US.  SHE BECAME ONE OF MY LITTLE SOCCER PLAYERS AND SHE WAS A NATURAL TALENT. 

 

 

 SHE REALLY STRESSED TO ME HOW MUCH SHE WANTED TO BE A GOALIE AND I REMEMBER SPECIFICALLY TELLING HER SHE WAS SILLY, SHE DIDN’T WANT TO HAVE ALL THE WEIGHT OF THE WORLD ON HER SHOULDER AND FEEL LIKE SHE FAILED BECAUSE A GOAL GOT PAST HER. 

WELL LITTLE DID I KNOW HOW MUCH THAT WOULD MOTIVATE HER TO BE THE GREATEST GOALIE I HAVE EVER SEEN.  AND I’M NOT LYING, SHE IS SO AMAZING.  SHE HAS THE MOST CARING SPIRIT, WITH A VERY HONEST HEART. 

 

 SHE WILL STAND UP FOR WHAT SHE BELIEVES IN NO MATTER WHO IT IS TELLING HER SOMETHING DIFFERENT.  SHE IS A VERY STRONG PROTECTOR OF THE ONES SHE LOVES.  SHE LOVES AND LOVES HARD.  SHE CONSTANTLY PUTS OTHERS FIRST. 

 

 

SHE IS ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT NOT BEING GOOD ENOUGH AND YET SHE DOESN’T KNOW THAT IT’S OTHERS WHO AREN’T GOOD ENOUGH IF THEY DON’T SEE THAT FOR THEMSELVES. 

 

 

 

SHE WORKS SO HARD AND WHINES ABOUT IT, BUT CONTINUES TO DO IT. SHE TRIES SO HARD TO BE LIKED BY EVERYONE, WITHOUT REALLY EVEN TRYING, BECAUSE ONCE YOU HAVE MET HER, YOU WILL FALL IN LOVE WITH HER IN A HEART BEAT.

 

 

 

 SHE WORRIES ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK, BUT DOESN’T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ALL IN THE SAME INSTANCE. 

 

SHE PUSHES TO PROVE THOSE WRONG WHO SAY SHE WILL NEVER MAKE IT, EVEN THOUGH SHE ALREADY PROVED SHE DID.  SHE NEVER BACKS DOWN, OR EVER GIVES UP AND IS NOT AFRAID TO FAIL IN ORDER TO PUSH THROUGH TO HER BEST. 

 SHE IS SUCH A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG LADY INSIDE AND OUT AND BY ALL MEANS DOESN’T EVEN KNOW IT.  SHE LOVES HER FAMILY WHOLE HEATEDLY AND ALWAYS WILL.  NOTHING COULD EVER CHANGE THAT. 

 

SHE HAS GIVEN ME SO MANY LIFE LESSONS AND HAS MADE ME WANT TO BE A BETTER PERSON, A BETTER FRIEND A BETTER MOM, A BETTER COACH. 

 

 

 

 

 SHE HAS MADE ME REALIZE THAT IN ORDER TO REALLY GET WHERE YOU WANT TO GO, YOU HAVE TO ACTUALLY TRY.  TRY.  AND REALLY TRY AGAIN. 

 

 

 

 

SHE NEVER GAVE UP ON ME, EVEN WHEN I GAVE UP ON MYSELF AND NEVER ALLOWED ME TO SUCCEED IN GIVING UP. 

 

SHE IS MY PERSON.  SHE IS MY SIERRA LEE MERYHEW.  SHE IS MY HERO AND ALWAYS WILL BE.  I CAN’T WAIT TO GET HOME AND WATCH HER PLAY HER

 

SENIOR YEAR OF SOCCER AND SHOW EVERYONE WHY SHE DESERVES TO PLAY AT THE COLLEGE LEVEL.  I CAN’T WAIT TO SEE HER SHINE INSIDE AND OUT AND I CAN’T WAIT TO BE THERE FOR SO MANY MORE MEMORIES TO COME. 

 

YOU ARE MY PERSON SIERRA. 

MY PERSON…………….