Happy Hallow of the Eve.

 

IT’S FASCINATING THAT WE CAN PRETEND TO BE SOMEONE OR SOMETHING WE AREN’T ON ONE DAY OF THE YEAR, HOWEVER SO MANY OF US ACTUALLY DO THIS ON A REGULAR BASIS. 

 

I FIND HALLOWEEN TO BE SO INTERESTING.  I THINK AS A KID, I DIDN’T REALLY GET TOO MUCH INTO ANY ONE COSTUME CRAZE.  HONESTLY, WE WERE BROKE, SO PUNK ROCKER OR BUMS WERE REGULAR COSTUMES FOR MY BROTHERS AND ME.  HOWEVER, NO MATTER WHAT, WE WERE HAPPY AT THE END OF OUR KNOCKING ON DOORS JOURNEY BECAUSE WE HAD THE CANDY. 

 

THEN THERE CAME A POINT WHEN WE WERE TOO OLD TO TRICK OR TREAT, SO INSTEAD WE STILL DRESS UP AND ACT LIKE JACKASSes WITH OUR HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS.  OH TO BE A KID AGAIN.  I BELIEVE THAT MY DAUGHTER HAS A UNIQUE SENSE OF WHO SHE IS AND I BELIEVE THAT SHE IS VERY AMUSED BY THIS HOLDIAY CALLED HALLOWEEN. 

 

I BET YOU I COULD ASK HER WHAT HER FAVORITE HOLIDAY IS AND WITHOUT HER REALLY KNOWING WHAT THE HELL YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT SHE WOULD TELL YOU; THE HOLIDAY WHERE YOU CAN DRESS UP IN WHATEVER YOU WANTED TO BE.

 

 

 YOU SEE MY DAUGHTER IS VERY CREATIVE WITH HER WORDS and ACTIONS. SHE KNOWS EXACTLY WHAT SHE WANTS.  SHE IS VERY PARTICULAR ABOUT CERTAIN THINGS AND NOT ABOUT OTHER THINGS.

 

 

SHE LOVES TIM BURTON AND DOESN’T EVEN KNOW IT.  SHE HAS ALWAYS LOVE THE SILLY SCARY KID MOVIES THAT HE DOES.  SOME KIDS MIGHT BE FRIGHTENED BY THOSE SOMEWHAT MORBID IMAGES AND YET SHE LAUGHS, DANCES AROUND AND SINGS THIS IS HALLOWEEN AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS. 

 

THERE ARE TIMES HOWEVER THAT EVEN THOUGH SHE DOESN’T ACT SCARED ABOUT WHAT SHE SEE’S HER MIND TELLS HER SOMETHING DIFFERENT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT, WHEN SHE IS TRYING TO CRAWL INTO HER DADDY’S BED.  THANK YOU EDWARD SCISSORHANDS.  SHE LOVES THE MOVIE WHILE WATCHING IT, BUT I GUESS NOT SO MUCH WHEN SHE IS SLEEPING.

 

 SHE HAS THE ABILITY TO LOOK AT THINGS DIFFERENTLY.  AS IF THERE WAS NOTHING WRONG WITH WATCHING A MOVIE ABOUT A KID WHO SEE’S DEAD PEOPLE AND LAUGHS WHEN A SCARY GHOST COMES FLYING OUT OF THE SHEETS FROM A MOVIE TRAILER (DON’T BE AFRAID OF THE DARK) 

 

 I APPRECIATE THE VALUE OF MY DAUGHTER BEING ABLE TO DECIDE WHAT SHE LIKES WITHOUT BEING TOLD WHAT TO LIKE.

 

 SHE IS SUCH A DISNEY PRINCESS WHO LOVES SKULLS AND MONSTER HIGH DOLLS.  I THINK HER DAD AND I HAVE DONE RIGHT BY THIS LITTLE ONE IN ALLOWING HER TO EXPRESS HER INTERESTS.

 

 I WISH I HAD THAT ABILITY TO APPRECIATE THINGS A FROM A DIFFERENT ANGLE MORE AS A CHILD, I THINK I JUST LOOKED AT THINGS KINDA FROM A BENT ANGLE AND DIDN’T UNDERSTAND THE MAGNITUDE OF BEING AN INDIVIDUAL TILL I WAS IN MY TEENS. 

 

 HALLOWEEN HAS BEEN INTERESTING THE LAST COUPLE OF YEARS SINCE TUCKER HAS BEEN MORE AND MORE INVOLVED IN BEING WHAT SHE WANTS TO BE. 

 

I WISH I WAS THERE TO TAKE HER TRICK OR TREATING THIS YEAR, BUT I HAVE GOOD FRIENDS AND FAMILY THAT SPEND THAT TIME WITH HER AND TAKE HER AROUND TO DIFFERENT PLACES TO SMILE CANDY OUT OF PEOPLE. 

 

SHE WILL HAVE THE BEST TIME NO MATTER
WHO TAKES HER DOOR TO DOOR.  SHE HAS BEEN A LADY BUG, WITCH, SNOW WHITE, BELLE, A FAIRY, RAPUNZEL, AND THIS YEAR SHE IS LAGUNA BLUE FROM MONSTER HIGH.

 

 I FEEL LIKE IT WAS JUST YESTERDAY WHEN WE WERE PUTTING A LITTLE LADY BUG COSTUME ON HER.  SO

CRAZY HOW TIME FLY'S BY. I CAN ONLY IMAGINE WHAT SHE WILL BE NEXT YEAR. 

AS AN ADULT, I HAVE HAD SOME INTERESTING HALLOWEEN EXPERIENCES.  I LOVE BEING ABLE TO GET A LITTLE SILLY WITH COSTUMES, AND THIS YEAR IS NO DIFFERENT. 

 

 

THIS COSTUME IS NOT MY IDEA BUT IT WORKS AND IT WILL BE AMAZING NO MATTER WHAT. 

 

HELL I WONDER WHAT I WILL BE NEXT YEAR.  MAYBE TUCKER AND I WILL GO AS SOME CRAZY WITCHES TOGETHER.  WHO KNOW’S. 

I THINK THE BEST PART ABOUT BEING SOMEONE DIFFERENT FOR THE DAY; IT ALLOWS YOU TO APPRECIATE WHO YOU REALLY ARE. 

 

 

IT REMINDS YOU THAT YOU ARE ACTUALLY BETTER THAN THE HALLOWEEN VERSION OF YOU. 

YOU ARE MORE INTERESTING THAN THE MAKE-UP YOU GLOB ON YOUR FACE.

 I ALSO THINK IT’S SO INTERESTING TO SEE WHAT CHARACTERS PEOPLE CHOICE TO BE.

 

 IT KINDA MAKES YOU SEE A GLIMPSE INTO THEIR LITTLE ALTER EGO.  SOMETIMES IT IS BEST TO NOT KNOW.

 

HALLOWEEN IS SUCH A MAGICAL TIME TO BE CREATIVE AND UNIQUE, AND DIFFERENT.  BUT WHAT IF YOU ALREADY ARE?  IN THIS CASE ALL I WANNA BE FOR HALLOWEEN IS EVERYTHING TO MY CREATIVE, UNIQUE AND DIFFERENT CHILD.  THE WAY IS SEE IT, I HAVE THE BEST LITTLE MONSTER ANYONE COULD ASK FOR, I MEAN SERIOUSLY WHAT 5 YEAR OLD YOU KNOW RUNS AROUND ON A SOCCER FIELD WITH HER EYES CLOSED AND HER ARMS SPREAD LIKE WINGS ENJOYING THE SUN AND BEING EXACTLY WHO SHE IS MEANT TO BE..........

HAPPY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE, KEEP IT REAL AND KEEP IT SAFE. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

THE little THINGS

I remember when I felt alive and renewed and loved.  I remember a time when I thought about something other than stressful things.  I remember a time when it was so easy to forgive and forget and you could go about your business minding everyone Else's.  I remember a time when I didn't worry about everything.  Here's the problem, when did I remember these times?  I can't remember, I just know that in my bones I was once young enough to understand that I didn't have the whole world on my Shoulders.  Can I please go back to those unmemorable day's? I just want to be less than what I am now so I can remember the Little Things.  When did we stop being nice to each other?  When did we think it was OK to pretend to like someone? 

When did you decide that you were better than anyone else?  When did you lose yourself to giving in?  Why is it, that we have forgotten who we are suppose to be?  Why can't we remember that we all have our issues, we all have our own insecurities, our own pain, our own love?  Why do you think you have any business in peddling in the lives of others?  Who gives you that right?  Can't you remember what its like to smell the flowers, say hello to a stranger, acknowledge someone with your eyes and not just your words. 

 

 

Don't you realize that the little things mean the most?  The genuine laugh of a child, the sign of relief from a hard workout complete, the smell of pine sol in your clean kitchen, the sound of silence after the loudest play date ever, the smell of homemade Lasagna baked just right and perfect, the coolness of a soft breeze. 

 

Listening to Stevie Nicks on one of those day's you just need to hear a haunting voice of familiarity.  Why must we get so wrapped up in the in between and forget about the simple little things that teach us how to be humane.  Really humane, like the kind that reminds you that it doesn't matter who you are, where you are from, what you look like, you are perfect just how you are. 

 

 

I think a lot, and when I think a lot, I forget to write things down, I get distracted in the emptiness of unimportance, I get so wrapped up in the ugliness of petty people, I get wrapped up in the stupidest of dumbness.  I forget who I am, I forget that I'm not perfect.

 

 

I forget that I'm just the same as all of the ugly rapture that becomes us, when we let others affect us. We let them effect everything that makes us who we are.  I'm sick of letting someone else effect me.  I want to be better than them.  I want to remember that the little things make me embrace the beauty, grace and simplicity of life. 

 

 

I want to remember that the goal is within reach and it's just a matter of waking up.  Waking up to the reality, that confines us, the reality that makes us believe we aren't good.  I want to WAKE UP from this unreality. 

 

I am stronger, faster, better and more valuable than I lead myself to believe.  What doesn't bring me to a level of weakness will only provide me with the imagination to succeed.  However, this imagination is by far better then unreality.  My reality is a beautiful Bizarro world that I will have one day, simply because I remembered the Little Things.

I want to be your PaperClip

This is a blog years in the making, and when I say years I am talking 10+.  I have always had a quirky sense of reality, one in which included my own sense of flare. 

One that carried me through the most difficult times, one that helped me realize my full potential, and one that help me realize whom I want to be when I grow up.  I have experience so much pain that I think complaining about it pains others, I have experienced love, have loved and possible believed in true love.  On the other hand, maybe I have not.  However, I do know that it does exist in so many different forms. 

 

 I have always spoke my mind, but carefully failed to speak the truth at times.  I have listened to others and then tuned them out in the same breath.  I have envied those who can love without caution but always cautioned when it comes to loving someone.  The easiest form of my love comes in a 5-year-old package.  She makes it so easy to remember how to love truly, madly, deeply.  I used to be anxious about myself in regards to my own confidence and that problem slowly faded when I was introduced to a paperclip.  I never knew that such a small piece of metal could truly represent so much meaning for everything. 

 

I owe Mister Tony Meryhew for showing me how to keep myself together and not crumble in front of others.  I am not perfect by any means and I have definitely crumbled to my knees, but most people do not know the real me.

One may believe in never giving up; however, we are so good at lying to ourselves.  I’ll be the first to admit that, even if I don’t want to believe it.  I am the person who puts others before me, the one that is always worried about what people think. 

 

The one who hates being alone, the one who absolutely believes that her daughter is the most important gift I have ever received.  I am the one who believes that I was meant to do important things in this world.  I am also aware that I am the biggest bull shitter I know.  What does that say about me?  I don’t bullshit the truth but I monitor what is said to certain people, cause let’s be honest most people would agree, they worry about what people think.  I will be as honest as you want me to be and as honest as I need to be. 

 

I’m a very loving person, who doesn’t always feel loved, unless your name has the initials T.G.M.  I’m the inconsistent friend who consistently loves her friends and shares myself with them, when I have the time.  Does that make me selfish or just a busy person?  I always think of others but don’t always tell them that.

It takes a lot to look within yourself and decide who it is that you really want to be.  It’s very easy to look at others and pick them apart in an instance, but it’s so much harder to stop lying to ourselves about who we really are inside.  Choices in life define who we are, not someone else. 

 

Regardless that we have people who we look up to and want to be like, you should only be who you are suppose to be because of YOU.  I have often felt of myself as an inconsistent Wallflower.  I once wrote a poem about being a Wallflower and I wrote it because I wanted to know who I really was.  This poem helped me realize who I was and who I wanted to be.  I want to be that person who never stops trying, who gets up from falling flat on my face and say, “Well that sucked, i'm a little bruised, but I’ll make it through.”  Everyone is caught up in their own misery and I’ve have had my fair share of self-inflicted misery.  However, I firmly believe I will SURVIVE; I just need to continue to believe that; even in my weakest moments.

 

Most would think I am silly to introduce my little piece of metal as my holding ground for survival.  My little piece of compromise, my little piece that holds shit together.  I could pick up a paper clip out of the nasty garbage and still find the beauty that it represents.

I look at you and realize that I can be no more than what I choose to be.  I know how to hold my tears up and only show them to those who deserve them.  I know how to be AMAZING only when I choose to be. 

 

I know how to be loved when I allow it, but rarely feel worthy of that love.  I know how to give up and let go, but do not feel it wise to let go that easy and really don’t feel that I have too.  I look at you and want to be a better Me.  I look at you and want to be your Paperclip, because no matter how bad it gets, no matter how hurt, sad, or lonely I get.  That little piece of metal holds me together.  I want to be that for you.  I want to be your Paperclip when I grow up. Don't ever change who you are, NEVER and always remember that I WILL ALWAYS want to BE YOUR PAPERCLIP< ALWAYS>