WHATCHA KNOW ABOUT B,B,B,B,B,???????????????

I HAVE NEVER FIGURED WHY SO MANY PEOPLE ARE DRAWN TO EACH OTHER.  WHAT IS IT ABOUT YOU THAT MAKES ME WANT TO BE NEAR YOU?  WHAT IS IT THAT MAKES ME MISS YA?  WHAT IS IT ABOUT ANOTHER INDIVIDUAL THAT BRINGS HAPPINESS TO OTHERS, EVEN IF THEY ALSO BRING SADNESS? 

 

HOW ARE THE MAGNETS WITHIN OURSELVES TURNED ON OR OFF (AND BY ALL MEANS MAGNETS DON’T HAVE AN ON OR OFF SWITCH BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN) I REMEMBER WHEN WE MET, YOU WERE A LITTLE HIP HOP LOVING (OR AS I CALL IT BOOM DIVIT SHIT) BLACK LINER LIPSTICK AND BOOTY TO KILL FOR HIGH SCHOOLER. 

 JUST OUR KIND OF PEEPS, WE SOMEHOW MANAGED TO FIT EVERY KIND OF PERSON INTO OUR CLICHÉ’ CLICK. WOW, I STILL FEEL YOUNG ENOUGH TO SAY THAT I REMEMBER THOSE DAY’S SO CLEARLY.  SO………………….WHATCHA KNOW ABOUT B, YOU ASK.??????

WELL I JUST HAPPEN TO KNOW A WOMAN WHO MEANS SOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH TO ME AND LATELY THINGS ARE A LITTLE TOUGH SO I JUST WANTED REMIND HER WHAT IT MEANS TO BE B…..

SO WHATCHA KNOW ABOUT B????  DID YOU KNOW THAT SHE IS DAMN NEAR A PHOTOGRAPHIC LISTENER, HONESTLY HEAR ME OUT; SHE CAN REMEMBER CONVERSATIONS PEOPLE HAD WITH HER WEEKS AGO AND DAMN NEAR RE-STATES THE WHOLE CONVERSATION VERBATIM. 

 

 DID YOU KNOW THAT SHE IS A DYSFUNCTIONAL OCD PERSON?  I'M SIMPLY STATING THAT DEPENDING ON HER MOOD WILL DEPEND ON HOW OCD SHE IS. 

 

SHE HATES A MESSY HOUSE, BUT WILL GIVE HERSELF A BREAK IF SHE IS TIRED.  SHE IS SUCH A HARD WORKER, ENTREPRENEUR EXTRAORDINAIRE RIGHT HERE (NOT ME, HER, CLEARLY WE ALL KNOW THAT BEING IN THE ARMY IS NOT NECESSARILY KNOW AS AN ENTREPRENEURSHIP.) 

SHE HAS THE PATIENCE OF A MOTHER AND THE TOLERANCE OF A FRIEND IN NEED.  SHE IS SO BEAUTIFUL WITH OUT ALL THAT GLAMOUR, BUT LOVES TO FEEL THE GLAMOUR TO MAKE HER FEEL EVERY BIT OF WORTHY. 

BUT SHE IS ALREADY WORTHY AND JUST MAY NOT REALIZE IT YET.  SHE HAS ALWAYS WORRIED ABOUT LETTING PEOPLE DOWN AND NEVER ONCE TOOK FOR GRANITE WHAT SHE HAS BEEN BLESSED WITH. 

 

SHE CARES WHAT PEOPLE THINK, AND NOT THAT THERE IS ANYTHING WRONG WITH THAT, BECAUSE WE ALL CARE WHAT PEOPLE THINK NO MATTER HOW MUCH BULLSHIT WE TELL OURSELVES. 

 

HOWEVER, B THAT IS WHAT MAKES US HUMAN, AND WITH OUT THAT, WE ARE NOTHING MORE THAN STACKED UP SHIT, WAITING TO BE THROWN AWAY. 

NO ONE WANTS TO BE THROWN AWAY SO IT’S OK TO WORRY ABOUT THINGS, WORRY NOT DWELL. SHE WORRIES ABOUT THE HAPPINESS OF OTHERS, AND MAY EVEN MAKE HERSELF SICK WORRYING ABOUT OTHERS.

 B ITS OK TO SAY THE WORDS, IT’S ALL ABOUT B,B,B,B,B, FORGET ABOUT YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU, YOU.  THE REASON IS, WE CANNOT MAKE ANYONE ELSE HAPPY WITH US, UNLESS WE ARE FIRST HAPPY FOR OUR SELF.  DO WHAT YOU MUST DO, YOU DESERVE TO TAKE TIME OUT FOR YOU FOR ONCE. 

 

 I’M SO PROUD OF ALL THE ACCOMPLISHMENTS B HAS ACCOMPLISHED.  SHE IS A WONDERFUL LOVING MOTHER, WHO LOOKS UP TO HER MOM WITH THE UP MOST RESPECT.  SHE LOVES HER DAD WITH ALL OF HER SOUL .  HER BOYS ARE HER LIFE AND HER FAMILY IS VERY MUCH HER HEART.  HER FRIENDS ARE PARTS OF HER LIFELINE AND HER LOVERS OF THE PAST HAVE HELPED ALLOW HER TO GROW AND LOVE ALL IN ONE. 

 

EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON, DEPENDING ON THE SEASON AND LEARNING FOR A PLEASING. B YOU ARE SUCH AN AMAZING HERO TO ME IN SO MANY LEVELS AND I KNOW I MAY NOT BE THERE TO HELP GET YOU THROUGH SOME OF THE TOUGH TIMES YOU ARE EXPERIENCING BUT YOU ARE SURROUNDED BY THOSE WHO LOVE YOU AND WILL HELP YOU GET THROUGH. 

FOCUS ON YOUR BOYS AND RELAX YOUR GOALS TO BE ABOUT WHAT YOU REALLY WANT.  DO NOT WORRY ABOUT WHAT OTHERS THINK EVEN THOUGH LIKE I SAID EARLIER, WE ARE HUMAN, WE ALWAYS WORRY.

 

 I LOVE YOU AND CANNOT WAIT TO GIVE YOU A BIG HUG WHEN I GET BACK. 

 

YOU ARE STRONG AND YOU WILL KICK THE ASS OF THIS LITTLE STRESS YOUR GATHERING AND WHEN I GET BACK US GIRLS WILL RULE THE WORLD TOGETHER

 

 

Embrace your Inner Unicorn

 

Be Your Own Unicorn………….

Have you ever sat there and looked at your kid and thought, where the hell does she get that from? 

Do your kids just surprise you constantly with their own sense of style?

What about the things they say or do. Have you looked at them all amazed or wierded out or just in awe?

Everyone is meant to have their own inner Unicorn.

If we looked up a make belief creature in a real dictionary we might find: “a mythical animal usually depicted as a white horse with a single straight spiraled horn growing from its forehead”. Ahhhh but the unicorn is so much more than that, it’s the ability to be whoever you want to be.

The unicorn represents love, purity and the seeking of Truth in all things.

 

We began to learn from our little unicorns almost immediately.

We learn how to be closer to heaven, we learn to be more grounded, we learn to appreciate more and forgive easier.

 

We learn that our little unicorns display such youthfulness and energy, that even though we may be annoyed by, we are more jealous that we don’t have that kind of energy.

We look at our Unicorn in awe; we look at them with the distinct feeling of independence, and not us having that from them, but them pulling that from us. They want to do everything on their own, be an individual and complete their own uniqueness with ease, but it’s not always easy for them.

Allowing your Unicorn to be different is so easy in the beginning, but I can imagine it could become frightening later on in their teenage years.

However if they learn that from a young age that you support who they are, what they want to be when they grow up, or allow them to be themselves, then shouldn’t it be easier later?

I often look at my unicorn and feel so blessed to know that she is a tough one who isn’t so fragile. She has had an amazing life with few struggles and definitely her ups and downs of going back and forth and house to house but she is still a happy little unicorn.

I’m very positive that she will be faced with so many struggles as she grows, I mean come on this is life after all, not a fairytale, and even though I know she will have difficulties in her life, I’m confident that she will always get through it.

As we have grown and moved into our own lives with our own unicorns I have been able to witness such a beautiful site, one of which that comes in the form of love.

I feel so blessed to know that my dear friends, who I may not be in the best contact with all the times, have managed to let their little unicorn’s blossom into their own.

I love getting all of our unicorns together to dance and play and fight and love and be kids. And isn’t that the best feeling, seeing their faces light up?

They know that you love them, and they know you would do anything for them, but right now all you want to do is just smile at them, because you, yes you have done an awesome job and you deserve to hear it.

Dont let them fall into some category of what people think they are suppose to do.

Let them figure it out on their own.

Let them choose.

Let them Be……..

Let them be a Unicorn……..

 

 

 

Will you ever Be FOUND????????????? Crazy Little Wallflower Within!!!!!!

So I’m done griping about nothingness, but I still wanted to blog, so I decided to post some poems that I wrote a long time ago.  it’s kinda funny to read the poems and think back to when they were wrote.  it’s even weirder to believe that any time I write I have to be in a particular mood, i can’t write a poem when I’m upset, by reading these poems you would have thought I was a depressed individual but in reality I was in a good place, it was just easier to write what I was feeling when I was clear headed and happier. so enjoy the reading and remember i love to write so it's not always  about me................. 

Found

 

Stumbled through the crowd
Never once thought I was proud
Pushing through those intrusions
Leaning on some painful illusions
You say I'm weak and lost everything
I believe I'm strong and repented for every sin
Looking at what brought me here
I'm stuck wondering what drove that spear
Where did I go to get so lost
How did I let go of my life with the worst cost
Picking up the pieces of loneliness
And pleading for a chance at forgiveness
I will wait for the day that my ropes are unbound
To no longer feel lost but to prove that I'm found

 

 

 

Wallflower

 

I'M THE WALLFLOWER WAITING TO BE SEEN.

MY SOUL IS SIMPLE YET NEVER CLEAN

THERE IS NO ONE THAT CAN PUSH ME DOWN

THERE IS NO LEANING SMILE FORCED UPON MY FROWN

I'M A BEAUTY WAITING TO BE WORN KEPT WITH THAT SMALL SARCASTIC SCORN!

YOU SEE ME AS A LEAF LOOSELY HANGING FROM THAT TREE, BUT YOU HAVE NO IDEA OF THE POWER IN ME!

I CAN ESCAPE FROM YOUR SIMPLE REALITY BUT CHOOSE TO LIVE INSIDE THE EMPTY ROOM OF VITALITY.

I'M THE STRONGER OF THE FEW BUT THE CALMER OF THE TWO.

EVERYTHING COULD BE DIFFERENT IF YOU ONLY KNEW!!

 

 

 

PLAYED

I MAY BE SHIELDED BY FEAR OF FAILURE

LED BY A VICIOUS TALE OF ERROR

BUT LET ME ASSURE, THAT BACKING DOWN IS NOT THE CURE.

DO NOT PUSH ME THROUGH THAT WALL

DO NOT THREATEN ME, FOR WE SHALL SEE WHICH ONE WILL FALL.

I MAY NOT BE TOO KEEN ON BEING THERE TO WATCH IT FADE.

BUT I’LL BE DAMNED IF YOU EFFECT HOW MY HEART IS BEING PLAYED.

 

 

CHANCE

 

STUFF PLACE OF REMEMBRANCE, BRINGING ME TO THE PIT OF BEING DOWN.

CANT PRETEND THAT SUSTAINING MYSELF IS TAKING AWAY MY FROWN.

WANTING MORE IS GONNA BREAK ME TO THE CORE.

SERIOUSLY CONSIDERING WHAT THIS SO CALLED JOKE IS FOR

WHERE IS THE LIGHT LEADING ME HOME.

HOW CAN I KEEP SEARCHING FOR A PLACE TO ROAM.

HOW IS IT THAT YOU NO LONGER MATTER, TO THE PIECES OF MY PAST.

FIGHTING TO NOT DROWN IN THE SHADOW OF THE LINES THAT'S BEEN CAST.

WHO SAYS LEANING TOWARDS THE SHATTERED GLASS OF LIFE, MAKES SENSE TO THE CROWNING MOMENT OF STRIFE,

PICTURE PERFECT STANCE,

PAINTED WITH A GLANCE,

LOOKING FOR MY LAST CHANCE.

 

 

 

 

 

 

PRICK

 

WICKED LITTLE STRAINED MOVES.

PRICKLY LITTLE TRAINED SOOTHES

PRETTY LITTLE DISAPPROVES

WASTING ALL THE DIRTY SMOOTHS

 

 

I'm sic of feeling like I'm being ShiT on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I whine, I know I whine, however I'm sick of feeling like I’m not good enough to be happy.

I know I’m no saint, I’m not perfect and  heaven knows I’ve made huge mistakes,  but Damn’it this Karma truck has done run my ass over hundreds of times and I think I deserve a break.  I have worked my ass off trying to be a better person over the last 3 years, and it seems like shit just never changes.  The sad part about my rant is, I feel guilty writing it, I feel like I shouldn’t be WHINING over petty life stuff, things could always be worse. 

 

 

That’s true things could always be worse but for today, I’m throwing me a pity of words fest and by all means, this isn’t a cry for attention, this isn’t a feel bad for Hayley post, This is ME and I’m sick of feeling like I CANT catch a break.  I want to be a good role model for my daughter; I want to provide her with stability.

 

I want her to know that life is full of decisions that will effect so many obstacles that she will face, I want her to know that she will fail, but she will supersede that with everything you will accomplish, and I want her to know it OK to make Mistakes, your HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I just want her to not pay for the choice/mistakes I’ve made. 

My brain wants to hear the words of Marvin Gay singing My Girl, “ I’ve got Sunshine on a Cloudy Day……..” instead of James Carr, These ain’t Raindrops.  

“These ain't raindrops in my eyes, baby
That I wipe away
If you tell me you love me
Everything will be okay, now
If i thought that you had loved me
I would wait, I would wait a million years

These ain't raindrops in my eyes
These ain't raindrops in my eyes
They are tears
Oh, now, oh

Ain't no times I've been to heaven
so how can there be rain?
The man up there, he knows just how i feel

How will I face tomorrow
And all the lonely lonely lonely lonely years”

 But why would that happen, it’s not like I’m sooooooooooooooooooo amazing that I couldn’t have it all.  Shit why not though, I feel like I deserve it, I want to feel Loved.  Call me crazy there is something so comforting knowing that another person loves you, and not a friend love, not an child love, a connected love with a soul who truly cares and loves you for WHO YOU ARE, NO ONE ELSE. 

SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO  Where are you, I haven’t really looked, because when you go searching for someone, you’ll spend eternity trying to find them,  I’ve told myself not to want someone, because like Bono say’s “when the Soul wants, the Soul waits”  I’ve tried convincing myself that I’ll be perfectly happy alone, but that’s a crock of shit,  I’ve told myself give it time, honestly I’ve been single for 3 years, I think it’s time for me to feel loved, I’m just saying. 

 I’m tired of complaining; my conscience is kicking in and telling me to shut up. I feel that telling all my loved ones how I feel sounds more like gripping and bitching, and I feel that telling my friends the full truth about stuff while prevent me from keeping some of myself private, and I feel like telling someone how you feel is the dumbest thing you could ever do, liberating: HA my Ass.

Scary and stupid, because right then, the minute you do that, you give all of you just to have someone SHIT on your little bit of Hope, and Hope is shit anyway.  Hope leads to expectations, and that always leads to disappointment.  I’m sick of being disappointed. It’s pretty hard to hold everything in all the time and keep a sarcastic scorn on my face.  Seriously can I get a Break?  I just want to feel worthy of love. I’m ready to start praising the words of Jackie Wilson’s Higher and Higher,

‘You know your love (your love keeps liftin' me)
Keeps on liftin' (your love keeps liftin' me)
Higher (liftin' me, liftin' me), higher, and higher (higher)
I said your love (your love keeps liftin' me)
Keeps on (liftin' me, liftin' me)
Liftin' me (liftin' me) higher and higher (higher)

the great thing about rants, is that they are consistently inconsistently and jump from one thing to the next and honestly i feel like my life has just been jumping from one thing to the next, Ive moved 6 times in the last 3 years, searching for a place to feel like home, and yet here i sit in Kosovo, further away from anything remotely close to feeling home. 

 

 I need to start over fresh.  February couldn't come any faster, i just want to be home and start over with my little one, we deserve complete happiness, it's just hard to give that to her completely.  So here's to me being Happier for myself to give more happiness to Her.