I'm Not Sure

BUT I’M READY

 

I CAN’T WAIT TO MEET ME

Well she wants to be the queen and
then she thinks about her scene
Well she wants to live her life
then she thinks about her life
Pulls her hair back as she screams
"I don't really wanna be the queen"

TRAIN..

 

I DON’T’REALLY WANT TO BE THE QUEEN, I JUST WANT TO LIVE MY LIFE. I’V GROWN A LOT THIS PAST YEAR, I’VE LEARNED A LOT AND I’VE CRIED A LOT. YES ME CRY, NO SURPRISES HERE.

BUT I’M READY TO LEARN THE LIFE THAT HAS A NAME AND I WONT BE SCARED TO START THAT LIFE. BIG THINGS ARE HAPPENING IN FRONT OF MY EYES, NEW PROMOTION, NEW JOB, NEW HOME, NEW LIFE, NEW BODY, NEW OUTLOOK, NEW BUT OLD ME.

THAT’S RIGHT, I CAN’T LET EVERYTHING ABOUT ME BE NEW, I STILL HAVE TO BE ME. I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO DOING MY SPARTAN RACE WITH MISS WOODS, TO PROVE TO MYSELF THAT IT IS OR ISN’T HARDER THAN THE TOUGH MUDDER THAT I’VE ALREADY ACCOMPLISHED,

I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO RUNNING A MARATHON WITH KIMBERLEY AS SHE RUNS HER’S IN ENGLAND.

I LOOK FORWARD TO MY NIGHTLY RUN THROUGH A NEIGHBORHOOD AND NOT A TRACK INSIDE A MILTARY INSTATLLATION. I LOOK FORWARD TO RUNNING IN THE RAIN THAT SMELLS LIKE RAIN AND NOT BURNT PLASTIC AND RAIN.

 

I LOOK FORWARD TO GETTING DRESSED UP LIKE A GIRL. I LOOK FORWARD TO GETTING OUT OF THE OLD ROUTINE OF WORK, HOME, DINNER, BED.

INSTEAD I WANT IT TO BE MORE FOCUSED ON EVERYTHING TUCKER, EVERYTHING ELSE TAKES A BACK SEAT AND EVEN THOUGH EVERYTHING ABOUT THE OLD ROUTINE INVOLVED TUCKER, I WANT IT TO BE MORE FOCUSED ON HER THAN IT ALREADY WAS.

I WANT TO STAY AWAY FROM THE TOXINS THAT TAKE OVER MY COMFORTS. I WANT TO ENJOY THE SIMPLE CUP OF COFFEE WITH NO RESERVATIONS FOR WHAT COULD POSSIBLY HAPPEN THAT DAY.

I JUST WANT TO BREATHE IN AND OUT AND REALLY ENJOY THE MOMENTS. I WANT TO WRITE MORE, FINISH THE BOOK MY AMAZING STUDENTS COMPLETED THAT I WAS SUPPOSE TO DO ON THIS DEPLOYMENT, EVEN THOUGH I CLEARLY FOCUSED MORE ON ME INSTEAD OF THOSE STORIES.

I WILL FINISH WHAT THEY STARTED, IT’S NOT IN ME TO LET GO OF THIS AMAZING IDEA. I WANT TO GROW MY HAIR OUT, REALLY LONG, AND NOT CUT IT FOR THE SAKE OF SOMETHING TRULY DIFFERENT.

I’VE DONE PRETTY GOOD SO FAR, NOW I JUST NEED TO REALLY HOLD ON TO THE GOAL. I ALWAYS SEEM TO TALK MYSELF INTO CUTTING IT BACK TO THE A-LINE. WELL NO MORE. I WANT TO NOT ONLY LOOK YOUNGER, I WANT TO FEEL YOUNGER.

I WANT TO WIPE AWAY THE YEARS ON MY FACE WITH MORE SMILES. I WANT TO LAUGH MORE, EVEN THOUGH WE ALL KNOW THAT INVOLVES THE HIDEOUS SNORT.

I WANT TO SIT ON MY BOAT AT SUNSET AND REALLY TAKE IN WHAT THE DAY HAS BROUGHT ME. I WANT TO FEEL MORE THAN THE SUN SHINE ON ME WHEN I’M OUT FOR THE DAY.

I WANT TO BE OUT FOR THE DAY MORE. I SAY I’M NOT SURE BUT I’M READY, BUT I THINK I’M MORE SURE OF WHAT I WANT THEN WHAT I DON’T WANT. I’M JUST NOT SURE HOW TO REALLY REACH FOR EVERYTHING.

I WANT TO REALLY BE HAPPY. I WANT TO FIND THAT AMAZING OTHER HALF, THE ONE THAT CAN REALLY LOOK AT ME IN ALL MY GLORY AND STILL LOVE ME.

I WANT TO SEE A POSSIBILITY OF A CHANCE. I BELIEVE I’M IN FACT READY FOR THE CHALLENGE. I WANT TO VOLUNTEER MORE FOR THE FEELING I GET THAN FOR THE REASON FOR DOING IT.

I WANT TO BE A BETTER MOMMY FOR MY BABY GIRL, WHO ISN’T A LITTLE BABY GIRL ANYMORE. I CAN’T BELIEVE HOW MUCH SHE HAS GROWN THIS PAST YEAR.

I CANT WAIT TO HAVE THOSE LITTLE ARGUMENTS WITH HER, SIMPLY TO MAKE UP FOR THE LACK OF INTERACTION I HAVE HAD WITH HER THIS PAST YEAR. I WANT TO RUN AROUND AND LET HER PICK MY OUTFITS AND DO MY HAIR AND NOT CARE WHAT ANYONE THINkS, BECAUSE SHE IS THE ONLY OPINION THAT MATTERS TO ME.

 

 I WANT TO BE MORE INVOLVED IN MY FRIENDS LIVES, BUT WANT THEM TO UNDERSTAND THAT WE ARE ALL SELFISH FOR WANTING TO FOCUS ON OURSELVES FOR A BIT, AND THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. I WANT TO RECONNECT. REALLY RECONNECT.

 

I WANT TO GET ALL DRESSED UP FOR MY BIRTHDAY DINNER THIS YEAR JUST TO TURN AROUND AFTER A WONDERFULLY FANCY DINNER AND GO TO A PODUNK BAR TO REMIND OF THAT WE ARE JUST THE SAME AS EVERYONE ELSE.

 NO DIFFERENCE AND DEFINETLY NOT BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE. I WANT TO HAVE A GIRLS SLEEP OVER WITH WINE, AND GOSSIP, AND APPLES TO APPLES OF COURSE. I WANT TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH MYSELF IN ORDER TO GET TO KNOW MYSELF BETTER. I WANT MORE FOR MYSELF THAN I HAVE ALLOWED MYSELF TO BE.

I WANT MORE THAN WHAT I THINK I’M WORTH, I WANT MORE THAN I THINK I DESERVE. I WANT MORE AND BECAUSE I WANT MORE, I WILL HAVE

MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!